In A Pickle (The Turkey Story)

When I find myself in a situation that has me laughing out loud, at myself, for more than 40 minutes- I know it has to be chronicled in SOME WAY. Why not on my underused blog? 

Tomorrow is my work Christmas party and, for some reason, I offered to bring a turkey in for all to enjoy. Yeah. A whole roast rurkey. 

I'm not 1000% sure why, I mean, people were going around the circle stating that they'd bring this side and that side and it was pointed out that there was no main dish. So I piped up that I'd bring a vegetarian nut loaf and... that went down like a toddler on an ice patch. 

So, since I'm a new girl at work and eager to be liked by all (I am not) I piped up that I'd make a whole damn bird. I have been making turkey, deftly, for ages and I swear I could do it in my sleep. So other than the fact that I TRY to not eat meat at all, why not bring in a giant bird carcass to pick on?

I eyed a frozen turkey at Target on Friday night, thinking to myself that there would be a better opportunity over the weekend to get something nicer, fresh perhaps, so that it'd be easier to cook. 
And somehow I never got around to going to the grocery store, so Sunday afternoon (a few hours ago) I got on my Peapod app and ordered a fresh turkey to be delivered here, to my house, at 6am the day of the party (tomorrow). 

Just a few minutes ago, I checked my Peapod order to add another small item before the midnight cutoff and I notice that my cutoff is TOMORROW at midnight. 

But wait, if I ALREADY have the groceries at 6AM...???
I effed it up. The earliest time I could book delivery was Tuesday morning (Christmas Eve) and that would leave me scrambling for a turkey in the morning. Or looking like an ass when the party starts at 2:30. So when I took the first available slot of 6am, of COURSE I thought it was tomorrow and not stinkin' TUESDAY. 

So I got my butt out of bed (I wasn't REALLY asleep, but drowsily laying next to the kid who I successfully assisted in getting to sleep) and got myself suited up to go to the grocery store, at 10pm, 2 days before Christmas. 

Startled at my upright appearance after 9pm, Dan offered to go and get one. So he's doing that right now while I drink liquor and laugh at me. 

It's funny, right?
Who brings a whole damn turkey to a tiny work party anyways?