Wednesday, May 07, 2014

Money Laundering for Plant Addicts

I am being watched, people. He's reviewing my checking account on a daily basis and as much as it's total bullshit I admit I have a problem. Will I spend this week's day care tuition on plants? Might. Will we eat beans for dinner so I can buy more soil conditioner? Reply hazy try again. 

So I got this idea, that forks out in a few directions, as most of my ideas do.

1. There needs to be a way to siphon money out of my grocery spending so I can use it at the garden center. I can always get cash back at the register and shove that in my pocket, right? Then there is no paper trail for spending money on plants, just wholesome groceries for my family!

Also, schemes like...
If you go to lunch with a friend, put that on your debit card and have your friend split the bill with you and hand you cash. That cash goes right to the garden center and you get new Irises. You can't have enough Irises!
Is this money laundering embezzlement? Maybe.

2. Thank glob that the grocery stores all have their pop-up greenhouses in the parking lots this time of year. It's the only period in which I don't feel the need to do shots before braving the grocery store. I hate grocery shopping. The Man is selling me food. Don't get me started.
I did get some nice mustard plants for $1 this morning and some of my fave Lobelia for $3 each. Usually those places only have crap, but sometimes crap is JUST WHAT YOU NEED!


3. WHAT IF....... Garden centers changed their name in the "system" so that when my charge goes through it says "BIBLE SUPPLIES" or "JUST DISHWASHER DETERGENT, I SWEAR INC." or "DIRECTV". It needs to be something that doesn't raise eyebrows.

Stealing money from my own family for plants, is that totally low or to be expected?
These are questions I rarely think about at all, because I need all my brain-power to decide between this lavender and that hibiscus over there...