Use This One Weird Trick to Put your Garden to Bed for Winter*

*The title is meant to be like those ridiculous click-bait ones. I'll let you know if it works...

I have one weird trick that will get your garden ready for winter quicker than you can say "Great British Baking Show". Are you ready for it?

1. Don't do anything to your garden and just sit and eat effing caramel corn on your goddamn sofa.

What kind of a barbarian would clear-cut this shit and give Mutha Naytcha a Brazilian? WTF? It's still gorgeous to look at, it gives birds seed to munch on, insects and others a place to hide out for a few months. WHY?? I just don't get it.

If I had cut down my tomatoes when everyone else was, I wouldn't still be getting flipping tomatoes in November! Irises rebloom now, sometimes. My Dahlias still look great, against all odds! How crappy would you feel if you cut it all down and then some serious El Nino shit happened and we never really got winter. 

I can remember, back when I was a North Shore horticulturist, being forced at gun point to cut back a customer's Nepeta in October. It was looking bushy and gorgeous and had a tinge of fall color and it just seemed so wrong! But when cleaning up a customers yard, they expect sanitization. I don't get why anyone that knows what they are doing feels the need for sanitization. You're not saving time in the spring because every kind of evil is still going to blow into your beds over the winter. Leaving everything up might actually cut down on riffraff that comes in. Like garden bouncers.
  • You have something with powdery mildew or some other toxic bullshit you should have nipped months ago. You need to pick up those leaves or whatever and throw them away (not compost them) because you could just incubate more powdery mildew all winter long. 

  • You have seed heads that are just going to make so many plants that you don't know what to do. Well, you knew what you were doing when you planted that Bronze Fennel in the first place, Amanda. No sense crying about it now. Accept the rainforest of fennel you've created and move on. 

With all the time yo save from not being a garden busybody, try volunteering to help people or maybe get a Netflix account.